Inside My Head

​It’s all too much 

I’m too much 

Too critical 

Too stubborn

Too angry 

Too nice

I feel too much 

It makes me emotionally demanding 

I’m way too loud

But when I’m sad I’m far too quiet

I don’t open up enough to him

But I open up way too much for you 

I push people away

But desperately want them closer 

I think too much about some things

But not nearly enough about others

I try too hard with people

I don’t make enough effort with myself 

I am confusing and conflicting

Not just to you but in my head too

I want to scream and shout.

But pray only for silence in my thoughts 

I am lonely 

I want affection. No wait. I need affection 

But not too much because that makes me uncomfortable 

I want to be acknowledged and appreciated 

But I know I’m useless and a fraud at heart

I want love

But know I am unloveable 

How can anyone like me? I don’t even like me.

Is this normal? Or am I overthinking again?

It’s probably me

No. 

It’s definitely me.

Because is there’s one thing I’m sure of

The only thing I am completely and totally certain of

It’s that the problem is always me